Benchwarmers: Comcast On Hold

The awesome bubble-maker was the day’s true victor.

Armed with their latest bills from a cable-telephone-internet service provider that has a reputation for forcing its customers to wait on hold listening to mind-numbing recordings for an eternity before speaking to live people, Express‘ benchwarmers were bursting with a desire for vengeance team spirit during Saturday’s second game against Comcast Sports Net.* Luckily, the sparse bench was kept busy cheering as the 20-Minutemen notched another win.

A bubble-maker brought by Betsy Lowther fueled nearly a full game of glee for some of the youngest benchwarmers, Auden and Endy Porter. The brothers were so exhausted from chasing after the bubbles that both were seen sneaking naps before the game’s end.

The first half of the day was equally eventful. While her brother Vance showed off his T-ball technique, chatty team story-teller Alina Bonior caught benchwarmers up to speed on her busy life. Playdates with friends and a splinter in her foot were among the topics discussed. Thankfully, that splinter is long gone and any pain was assuaged with a tasty freeze-pop, Alina said.

The only minor injury rehabbed on the Minutemen’s bench was Lowther’s bruised foot. “I took a cleat to the left foot, which not only hurt like heck but also kind of messed up my sneakers,” says Lowther. “Luckily, it’s just the excuse I needed to get a new pair of confident, nay, cocky new Nikes.”

As an eventful, yet snack-free, morning concluded, players and benchwarmers alike headed home covered in plenty of cinnamon-colored dust from the dry fields and dugout. “I was concerned that I was going to have a really odd tan,” says Aimee Goodwin. But then she realized the stripes left by her socks and leg brace were simply a temporary reminder of the joys of benchwarming and playing — and a satisfying victory over a team connected to a certain cable-telephone-internet service provider.

*Yes, we know that the self-proclaimed “SportsNuts” aren’t exactly the people responsible for taking our money in exchange for spotty home internet service.