Could Clock Mascot Be Biological?

Christopher “Chip” Porter with Endymion March Joseph Porter.

Silver Spring, Md. | Is it something in the water—or more accurately, the mud—at Wheaton Forest?

While widely considered the most attractive group in the Metropolitan Media Softball League, the 20-Minutemen is now the most fertile, with five team children born or on the way since April 2007’s inaugural game.

The latest birth was to Christopher “Chip” Porter and wife Maryrose Flanigan, who welcomed second child Endymion March Joseph on March 27.

Endymion was a minor figure in Greek mythology, a shepherd who caught the eye of Selene, the moon goddess. In a courtship strategy no longer legal in most states, she cast a spell rendering him forever asleep on a mountainside. The youth was further immortalized in a poem by John Keats.

This puts naming expectations high for Kimberly and Dan Caccavaro’s firstborn, due in May.

“We feel that Chip has really taken ownership of English Romantic Hellenism,” said Caccavaro. “It doesn’t leave us with a lot of options.”

Porter and Flanigan’s first child is Auden James, who will be two years old in May and was born during the Minutemen’s inaugural season.

Alina Brooke Bonior, who accompanied mother Dr. Andrea Bonior in utero onto the field in 2007, is now more than one year old.

And Jackson Page Kirby was born to former player and Express editor Kristen Page-Kirby during the 2008 season.

Is this baby boom coincidence? After all, the team’s mascot, Timekiller, is a clock—who says it’s not a biological one?

“Family sports can generate a hormone called OxyContin,” explained renowned former science writer Holly Morris. “It encourages parent-child bonding, so it could be responsible for a higher fertility rate.”

“Actually, OxyContin is a powerful narcotic,” said Dr. Bonior. “She means oxytocin.”

“Playing softball reminds me that I’m aging,” said the oft-wounded Porter, whose cumulative softball injuries have left him with the spinal column of an octogenarian woman. “It’s a powerful motivator.”