Height: 6-foot-1
Weight: 194
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Born: February 11, 1982 in Marietta, Ohio
College: Strayer University
Drafted: Rule 5 Pick
Awards: 2007 Least Evolved
Dustin may be the most passionate member of the Minutemen, but he’s yet to find the perfect outlet for his ultra-competitive spirit.
“I tried to break a softball bat over my leg once, but it hurt like a [expletive],” Weaver said.
“Screw Bo Jackson,” he added.
Dustin mans the outfield for the Minutemen, where his pale skin makes him nearly translucent, thus tricking the other team into hitting the ball straight to him about 90 percent of the time. His goal for the upcoming season is to continue being the most reliable MM hitter, which he unequivocally refuses to back up with statistics because, for God’s sake, it’s intramural softball, not some sort of geeky sabremetrics conference. Dustin nonetheless claims his VORP is 54.
Dustin has been with the MM since the beginning, back when they were an expansion team that lost routinely in horrific, soul-crushing fashion. He thinks the team is finally hitting his stride this year, and he’s pumped about the new players added in the off-season by manager Ian “Write Your Bio or Die!” Herbert.
Dustin showed up to the first Express practice in the best shape of his life, which is a total lie, but in his mind he feels that way and what can you do? If he can channel that self-delusion into some two-baggers other MM say they’re all for it. A steroids test is nonetheless pending.
| Year | G | PA | AB | 1B | 2B | 3B | HR | BB | HBP | SAC | RoEr | K | R | RBI | Hits | Avg. | OBP | SLG | OPS |
| 2007 | 13 | 31 | 29 | 14 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 9 | 3 | 16 | .552 | .581 | .655 | 1.236 |
| 2008 | 14 | 45 | 36 | 19 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 10 | 21 | .583 | .556 | .694 | 1.250 |
| 2009 | 17 | 35 | 31 | 13 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 15 | .484 | .486 | .548 | 1.034 |
| Career | 44 | 111 | 96 | 46 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 7 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 27 | 21 | 52 | .542 | .541 | .635 | 1.176 |
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